What's in a word: family

What is in a name? A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet and in the case of 'family',in the traditionally defined sense, it might still stink! I have a 49 year old cousin
who is obsessed with her history and her family tree. I think that is great for her or anyone who wants to spend a lot of time researching their family background and check out all the relatives living and dead. This is something from which many people derive a lot of pleasure. For those folks I say; go to it enjoy yourself, knock your socks off. I do not particularly derive pleasure out of finding out who was who and when they lived in my family. My family is no different than 99% of the world's population, dysfunctional at the least to totally screwball to the extreme. My 49 year old cousin is at the extreme. She has alienated her sisters and well as most of her ' biological family'. Yet she is 'into' the family scene. I am most content to let my biological family remain up there, in the palm trees, peeling their bananas and swinging from tree to tree without my being aware of who they are and when they decide to swing to the next tree. When my cousin refused to help me remove my name from an annoying website that keeps sending me information about her family tree, I asked for her assistance and was promptly told that my grand parents would roll over in their graves at the thought of my not wanting to receive information about the 'family'. Bear in mind I haven't communicated nor seen any relative of the 'family' tree in almost 45 years. YES, you read that correctly 45 frigging long years. I don't know 99% of my relatives and frankly I have no burning desire to.

So all this insanity gave me pause to think about what exactly IS family. First, it sure isn't a bunch of dysfunctional argumentative, knit picking bickering, middle aged and old women and men with big lips that want to plant wet disgusting kisses on you at a funeral after you haven't seen them for eons and no plans of seeing them again until the next death. Nor is it guilt ridden cousins who are, for what ever reason unable to come to grips with the death of their parents, who project their own unresolved anger and venom on unsuspecting distant cousins either. Nope that is not my idea of what family is. But like many families, this an example of the blood relations I have.

What is it that I believe family really is? Life and years has taught me it has precious little to do with whose DNA is running through my blooded veins. Just because my body possesses some of the DNA of my mother's family or my father's family doesn't not a family make. Nope, that is an illusion for which people fall. Family is about connection and relationship, as I see it. The people who I connect to, who I love and who love me, THAT Is family. I have friends that live 3000 miles away from me who I have reached out to and who have reached out to me in a loving reciprocal manner. THAT is family. People who work in a relationship to contact one another and who care for the well being of the other through word and action, THAT is family. I am blessed to have some loving friends and a kind hearted husband. THESE are my family. We do not share the same DNA, nor do we have the same last names. What connects me to the people I consider family is not an outer thing, like a name, or an X or a Y in my DNA. What connects me to the people I call family, is a deep commitment, love and care for the welfare of the people I love and who love me back. THAT is family.

I feel sorry for this 49 year old cousin, who holds tightly to the hard work she put in creating a family tree on a web site. She has worked very hard and spent many hours building this tree of hers. Sadly she never and continues not to spend the time, working on her broken relationship with one of her sisters. She isn't working on her wounded feelings about her father who in the last years of his life, she refused to go visit on his death bed. By blood she is my second cousin, by family she is a sad stranger with whom I will never know because like her father, mother and sister she has alienated yet one more 'blood' relative. God bless this poor broken soul as she clings to her cyber family tree. Makes you think, doesn't it? Also makes me very grateful for the people in my life with whom I can share myself as they can share themselves with me, good and bad.

Today I am grateful to have my 'family' which comprises of my husband and some pretty dear beloved friends. I am also grateful for the ability to allow myself to be changed for the better by my family.

Graduation Day at Guide Dogs of the Desert

Today was a special day. It was the graduation of six dogs from the organization Guide Dogs of the Desert. Six wonderful dogs were given over to blind folks who will now have a loving companion who will help them in their lives. ALL of these graduations are special but what made this one so special was that all of the graduates served in the United States Military. I have gotten to know a few of these wonderful brave people and I can say I am proud to know them and feel blessed to be given this opportunity. The graduation was so touching. As all Guide Dog graduations, there is a PowerPoint show of pictures that show the dogs when they are very small puppies being raised for 20 months by a family who, even though, they grow to love these special puppies, they will, one day, have to surrender them to a blind person with whom they will help and work. The PowerPoint shows the development of the puppies and how they are trained out here on the streets of Palm Springs. Then after the PowerPoint display you see the families, themselves handing the dogs over to their new owners. (Just for information, the puppies are raised in the families for 20 months and then they move to the school where they are trained by the trainers to work with the blind. Then for a month, the dogs are matched up with a blind person, The relationship between the dog and the blind person begins to grow. Then they graduate. What a heart moving experience it is to watch this process. I was there today, April 5Th watching this wonderful ceremony. The students were all from the military and it was so touching. Dexter in the left picture is a great guy, I got to know him a little when we all went to Blame it on Midnight, a local night club here, to hear Bill sing. Dexter loved to keep rhythm with the songs Bill would sing. I loved sitting next to Dex keeping rhythm with Dex. Dex's dog is a multicolored Lab named Shepherd, called "Shep". Shep, loves the ladies, Dex says and that is true. He won me completely over! I couldn't keep my own paws off him! But when the dogs are working, touching and petting is NOT allowed. My other favorite dog in this class is as you can see part of him above, is Waldo, a beautiful black Labradoodle ( lab and poodle mix) He is so pretty and is one special dog! The ceremony was just glorious and there wasn't a dry eye in the place of over 800 people who came to witness this special event. Paula Abdul was there as representing the charity for the month of May. Boy, is she not only beautiful, but she is one nice lady as well. It was a pleasure meeting and talking with her. It was a very special day. I feel blessed to be associated with this most worthy charity. I LOVE it and hope to be a permanent part of it for years to come.